


just a little primrose

by squishymochisoo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 20:55:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13419465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishymochisoo/pseuds/squishymochisoo
Summary: he stared at the mirror. the person in the mirror had glistening tears down his face. he had dark circles from when he couldn’t sleep at night. and blood around his mouth from the flowers coated in red he just threw up.





	just a little primrose

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm not sure if this is any good? But i do love me some hanahaki fics that are just anjdfjkdghjkajkf. Anyways thank you sm for reading!

he stared at the mirror. the person in the mirror had glistening tears down his face. he had dark circles from when he couldn’t sleep at night. and blood around his mouth from the flowers coated in red he just threw up. 

he couldn’t believe it. how did it come to this? how could one innocent crush turn to this. how did someone so sweet as soonyoung twist his insides in both a positive way and a negative way? 

 

_no  
no. this was not possible. there’s no way-_

 

why was life so cruel? it was not his choice to fall for him. why did he have to suffer? but no matter how much it hurt jihoon, he could never bring himself to hate soonyoung.  
he stared at the dainty little flowers on the floor. the little yellow flowers that stained red. 

a primrose

jihoon remembered not knowing anything about flowers just merely last week. but when he started choking and having trouble breathing, he knew something was wrong. that night he threw up those tiny flowers, one that he might have found pretty if it didn’t come out from his mouth. 

_flowers that mean  
I can’t live without you_

who knew someone smiling could make your day?  
who knew someone talking to you would make your heart flutter?  
and who knew that I was capable of loving someone this much?

 

this was a secret i was willing to take to my grave. but i guess someone was obviously going to find out along the way. the person who found just had to be wonwoo.  
he saw the mess of flowers on the floor. yet I didn’t even realize his presence till he was a few steps away from me.

I looked up only to face confusion all over his face. he gulped and stared. his eyes conveying a message i could only work out as sadness. he shook his head and made his way to me.  
he hugged me so tight as if he knew how painful it was. as if he wished this should have never happened to me.

“jihoon, it’s going to alright.” was all he said. all of a sudden, I couldn’t hold in all of my emotions that I built up.  
i choked out a sob. tears just flowing down rapidly.  
“I don’t want this to happen. why must this happen. why me? I love him so much it hurts.” I managed to choke out. his hug only seemed to tighten.

“soonyoung doesn’t know what’s his missing out on.” wonwoo breathed out. I didn’t know how he knew who it was but never questioned it.

~~  
it was days after the others started to realize something was wrong. they would be blind if they didn’t sense something wrong honestly. I was paler than usual and started taking more breaks during practices. even trying to lock myself up to limit human contact.

wonwoo tells me the rest are worried but decided to protect me by telling them it was just a flu. wonwwo told me they believed the lie reluctantly.  
it the night a day after when I found myself throwing up more than usual. 

“I love you so much seokmin.”  
“I love you too hyung.” 

a conversation jihoon wished he never overheard. a conversation he would do anything to forget. a conversation that tore his insides apart. the conversation that made such a mess on the floor of the bathroom.

the constant knocking deafened by the sounds of jihoon throwing up. steps of the person walking in unheard.  
“you can’t continue living like this hoon. you have to get the surgery. please hoon. don’t torture yourself. “ wonwoo whispered.

“you know I can’t” jihoon sobbed out looking up at wonwoo, eyes red and swollen. face so pale you’d thought he was a ghost. 

“NO! I don’t understand why you can’t?” wonwoo shouted.

“I love him wonwoo and getting the surgery would just get rid of everything. it would get rid of the love I have for him. how seeing him smile does wonders to my world. how his laughter can brighten up my day. just- I just can’t do it.” jihoon shouted in a hoarse voice.  
he looked down at the flowers on the floor.

“this would all been for nothing if I got the surgery.” he breathed out. 

“but- but you’re dying. do you think I can watch you waste your life away like this?” wonwoo questioned voice breaking.  
“just leave it wonwoo. just- let’s not talk about this.” jihoon shook him off.

~~

maybe wonwoo was right? maybe this was not worth me dying for. but this is what love is right? sacrificing yourself to watch your love one happy?  
he’s happy with seokmin. i don’t belong with him. I have no place in this picture.  
but seeing them hugging, smiling with each other and holding hands. makes me hate myself more and more. 

the flowers that increased day by day was a constant reminder of how worthless I was. it made me feel as if I was nothing.  
nobody could ever love me. maybe that why this happened to me. I was a liability and me dying from hanahaki would be a blessing to others. 

_right?_

 

there were times jihoon just wanted to rip seokmin’s arms away from soonyoung. he wanted to be selfish at every chance he got. but he knew.  
jihoon knew that he would never be happen with him.  
and when he saw soonyoung and seokmin share a kiss, that was his breaking point.  
flowers started pouring out the floor was covered in red and specks of yellow.  
the last jihoon saw was soonyoung screaming for help.  
he was happy. that the pain would finally be over.  
at least the last thing he saw was soonyoung. 

_the boy he loved that just could never love him back._

~~~~ 

he laid the primrose on the grave of his dear friend. nobody took the death of jihoon lightly. but nobody had it worse than wonwoo. the only person to know his secret. the secret he wanted to take to the grave.  
it tore him apart. all wonwoo seemed to do was cry his eyes out. nobody knew. nobody knew how he felt as if he could have saved jihoon.  
because at the end of the day both of them loved people who didn’t love them back.  
he sat down in front of jihoon’s grave. eyes swollen as he choked back a sob.  
he coughed out a petal.  
a petal from a flower he came to know very well from the past few weeks.

 

_a petal of a primrose._


End file.
